At its core, the whole institution of marriage hinges on those two simple words the bride and groom say to each other during the ceremony: “I do.”
With these words, the two become one and make a promise that can’t be undone…at least, that’s how it was intended. Though divinely blessed by God, marriage is a human institution, which makes it even more susceptible to those imperfections and other flaws that humans tend to bring into their endeavors.
Over time, the world’s idea of marriage has become something very far from what God intended it to be. Based on the rapidly rising divorce rates and the fact that far fewer people are getting married today, it’s clear that something has gone astray and that “I do” no longer means what it once did. The truth is that what the world says about marriage differs greatly from the Church.
However, though her approach may seem outdated and too traditional for some in our postmodern age, the Church still has the best answer to modern marriage. Here’s a breakdown of how the world sees marriage vs. how the Church sees it, as told by the Catechism.
THE WORLD | Marriage is about happiness
If a couple is happy, they should stay married. Once the going gets rough, though, and that happiness starts to dissipate, then that marriage is not worth staying in anymore. Why stay married if you’re not happy?
THE CHURCH | Marriage is about holiness
CCC 1641: “‘By reason of their state in life and of their order, Christian spouses have their own special gifts in the People of God.’ This grace proper to the sacrament of Matrimony is intended to perfect the couple’s love and to strengthen their indissoluble unity. By this grace they ‘help one another to attain holiness in their married life and in welcoming and educating their children.’”
THE WORLD | Marriage is temporary
On your wedding day, make sure you have a prenuptial agreement in place, just in case things go south. After all, marriage is just like any other relationship — sometimes they just don’t work out. In those cases, divorce is always an option.
THE CHURCH | Marriage is indissoluble
CCC 1640: “Thus the marriage bond has been established by God himself in such a way that a marriage concluded and consummated between baptized persons can never be dissolved. This bond, which results from the free human act of the spouses and their consummation of the marriage, is a reality, henceforth irrevocable, and gives rise to a covenant guaranteed by God’s fidelity. The Church does not have the power to contravene this disposition of divine wisdom.”
THE WORLD | Children are optional
Having kids is nice, and babies are cute, but what about the couple who wants to travel the world? Or the couple who likes to get away to the mountains every weekend and lives a very active lifestyle? Last but not least, how do kids fit into an ambitious career growth plan?Thankfully, contraception and abortion make it easy for a married couple not to have kids.
THE CHURCH | Children are a gift
CCC 1652: “Children are the supreme gift of marriage and contribute greatly to the good of the parents themselves. God himself said: ‘It is not good that man should be alone,’ and ‘from the beginning (he) made them male and female’; wishing to associate them in a special way in his own creative work, God blessed man and woman with the words: ‘Be fruitful and multiply.’ Hence, true married love and the whole structure of family life that results from it, without diminishment of the other ends of marriage, are directed to disposing the spouses to cooperate valiantly with the love of the Creator and Savior, who through them will increase and enrich his family from day to day.”
THE WORLD | Love is a feeling
You know those butterflies you first felt when you fell in love with that special someone? That’s what love feels like. As long as that feeling is still there, then you’re still meant to be married. However, if that feeling disappears, then you probably “fell out” of love, in which case it’s OK to leave your marriage. Follow the feeling.
THE CHURCH | Love is a calling
CCC 1643: ““Conjugal love involves a totality, in which all the elements of the person enter — appeal of the body and instinct, power of feeling and affectivity, aspiration of the spirit and of will. It aims at a deeply personal unity, a unity that, beyond union in one flesh, leads to forming one heart and soul; it demands indissolubility and faithfulness in definitive mutual giving; and it is open to fertility. In a word it is a question of the normal characteristics of all natural conjugal love, but with a new significance which not only purifies and strengthens them, but raises them to the extent of making them the expression of specifically Christian values.”
THE WORLD | Marriage is meaningless
Getting married is just one option of many in the modern-day rat race of relationships. You can choose to get married, but why enter such a long-term commitment when you can still live together and have kids without being married? Besides, at the end of the day, it’s just a piece of paper — it doesn’t really mean anything.
THE CHURCH | Marriage is a vocation
CCC 1603-1604: “‘God himself is the author of marriage.’ The vocation to marriage is written in the very nature of man and woman as they came from the hand of the Creator. …. God who created man out of love also calls him to love — the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being. For man is created in the image and likeness of God who is himself love. Since God created him man and woman, their mutual love becomes an image of the absolute and unfailing love with which God loves man. It is good, very good, in the Creator’s eyes, and this love which God blesses is intended to be fruitful and to be realized in the common work of watching over creation: ‘and God blessed them, and God said to them: “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.”
