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While much of the chatter over “Amoris Laetitia” has focused on divorced and engaged couples, the Pope also had an urgent plea for the engaged: Be uncommon. Have a simple wedding.

“Have the courage to be different. Don’t let yourselves get swallowed up by a society of consumption and empty appearances,” he said.

According to the popular wedding planning website “The Knot”, the average American wedding costs $32,641. That number increased $3000 in six years. And it’s not that people are inviting more friends and family–the average number of guests has actually decreased. Couples are just spending more money per guest. In fact, they’re spending over $14,000 on the average reception venue, over $5000 on the ring, and $68 per person on catering. Compare that to the $1,901 spent on the ceremony site.

Paying the officiant didn’t even make the list.

The average American wedding costs over $30,000. Most of that money is spent on the reception. Pope Francis has voiced his concern that this may discourage couples from marrying.

The average American wedding costs over $30,000. Most of that money is spent on the reception. Pope Francis has voiced his concern that these costs may discourage couples from marrying.

In “Amoris Laetitia“, Pope Francis worries that the rising costs of weddings may deter people from marrying.

“The spouses come to the wedding ceremony exhausted and harried, rather than focused and ready for the great step that they are about to take. The same kind of preoccupation with a big celebration also affects certain de facto unions; because of the expenses involved, the couple, instead of being concerned above all with their love and solemnizing it in the presence of others, never get married,” he said.

This deterrence is tragic, because the Catholic Church views marriage as a very, very good thing. In fact, it’s the foundation for society. That’s why we made it so easy for Catholics to get hitched.

For Catholics to get married, only a few things need to happen. They need to give their vows freely. They need witnesses to the vows, and it should ideally take place within the context of a liturgy. It’s ideal for them to receive a blessing. At no point does Canon Law require them to have orchids and a groom’s cake.

The only meal you need to plan at a Catholic wedding. Photo uploaded to flickr by Prayitno.

The only meal you need to plan at a Catholic wedding. Photo uploaded to flickr by Prayitno.

However, the simplicity of a bare bones Catholic wedding is in contradiction with a standard Western one. That Princess Di-esque wedding gown? That tradition came to the West via Queen Victoria in 1840. Before then, the bride simply wore her best dress. That monarch also brought us a whopping 300-pound wedding cake, which is an evolution of the ancient Roman custom of breaking a loaf of bread over the bride’s head for fertility’s sake. All this to say, an American Catholic can feel free to incorporate traditional American culture into their wedding, but there’s no need to lose site of the sacrament in the stress of planning the reception.

“Short-term preparations for marriage tend to be concentrated on invitations, clothes, the party and any number of other details that tend to drain not only the budget but energy and joy as well. The spouses come to the wedding ceremony exhausted and harried, rather than focused and ready for the great step that they are about to take,” Pope Francis wrote.

Cindy O'Boyle and Mike Degitis are eschewing some the more expensive wedding traditions to keep their wedding simple. Photo provided.

Cindy O’Boyle and Mike Degitis are eschewing some the more expensive wedding traditions to keep their wedding simple. Photo provided.

Cindy O’Boyle and her fiancée, Mike Degitis, came to this conclusion when they got engaged last year. The couple met when O’Boyle served as a Fellowship of Catholic University Students missionary on Degitis’ campus. She now works for Bella Women’s Clinic, and he is a high school math teacher. She said they both took some advice from her boss to heart, and decided to focus on making their reception an expression of hospitality, instead of a statement.

“My boss said that she thought the ceremony is the most important thing for the couple. The reception is to honor the people who got you there. I love that mentality,” she said.

O’Boyle found a brand new wedding dress at a consignment shop. Her bridesmaids are wearing $40 dresses from Kohl’s. She and her mother made the wedding decorations themselves. They’re bringing in Famous Dave’s for the catering.

After a simple wedding shower, O'Boyle enlisted her family to help her make decorations for her wedding. They used her mother's old canning jars. Photo provided.

After a simple wedding shower, O’Boyle enlisted her family to help her make decorations for her wedding. They used her mother’s old canning jars. Photo provided.

“Just be hospitable in the best way you know how. Don’t live in should land, like you ‘should’ have a three tiered cake. I think I’m going to have cookies from Costco,” O’Boyle said.

Not that they’re going to take the simplest road on everything. Since O’Boyle is from Montana and Degitis is a Colorado native, they wanted time for their families to meet. So they rented houses in Longmont for the week before the wedding, so that the families can get to know one another. They plan on holding their rehearsal dinner as a backyard barbecue at her future in laws’.

“When two people become one, your families do as well. We love our families so much, and we want them to love each other,” she said.

O'Boyle and Degitis said they want to focus on the sacrament and bringing their families together. Photo provided.

O’Boyle and Degitis said they want to focus on the sacrament and bringing their families together. Photo provided.

After all, that’s what marriage is: A covenant. It’s a bond between two parties established by an oath. In the Old Testament, people would cut animal sacrifices in half and walking between the halves. In a marriage ceremony, the couple divides their friends and family in half and walks down the middle. Then they typically join together for a meal to celebrate.

Jodi Lieske, the sacrament coordinator at St. Thomas More parish, has helped with hundreds of weddings. She says that while the wedding doesn’t necessarily need to be inexpensive, she is always encouraged by weddings that focus on the sacrament.

“I think large, elaborate weddings can be beautiful as long as the perspective is kept. As long as we’re not losing the integrity of the Mass or the sacrament, that’s what’s important,” she said.

O’Boyle said she and Degitis do this by praying together, and making sure they discuss their marriage preparation classes outside their meetings with the priest. They also keep their sacramental preparation separate from wedding planning.

“They’re two totally different things,” she said.  “Marriage prep is like digging into our relationship. It’s hard work in a good way, because we’re learning a lot and going deep. We’re having difficult conversations that need to be had, and it’s beautiful. We’ll talk for hours after a marriage prep meeting. Planning for the wedding has been a fun way to enjoy time together.”

Degitis and O'Boyle shortly after the proposal. They are trying to keep their wedding simple, which has included eschewing some traditions. Photo provided.

Degitis and O’Boyle shortly after the proposal. They are trying to keep their wedding simple, which has included eschewing some traditions. Photo provided.

All of this fits perfectly with what Pope Francis called for in “Amoris Laetitia“. He said that couples should pray ” together, one for the other, to seek God’s help in remaining faithful and generous, to ask the Lord together what he wants of them, and to consecrate their love before an image of the Virgin Mary.”

 

Ways to pray as an engaged couple

Spend time in Adoration together

Attend Sunday Mass together

Find the style of prayer that works best for you as a couple (spontaneous prayer, rosary, Scripture meditation, etc)

Consecrate yourselves to Mary together (try reading some of St. Louis de Montfort’s books)

Share spiritual reading, such as “Three to Get Married” by Venerable Fulton Sheen

Learn about the lives of married saints and blesseds

COMING UP: Haven’t signed to get the late-term abortion ban on the ballot? Now’s your chance

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If you haven’t had a chance to sign the petition to get Initiative 120 on the ballot this year, this weekend will present many opportunities to do so.

Initiative 120 is a ballot initiative that seeks to prohibit abortions after 22 weeks through birth, with the only exception being if the mother’s life is at risk.

See below for a full list of locations throughout Colorado so sign petitions for Initiative 120.

Sign the Petition | Drop off Notarized Packets | Notary on Site

Aurora – Queen of Peace Catholic Church
11:00 AM – 1:00 PM
13120 E Kentucky Ave, Aurora 80012
In the Narthex

Broomfield – Nativity of our Lord Catholic Church
10:00 AM – 12:00 PM
900 W Midway Blvd, Broomfield 80020
Reception Desk Lower Level

Denver – Catholic Charities Office
10:00 AM – 12:00 PM
4704 N. Harlan St, Denver 80212 Suite 550

Lakewood – Colorado Christian University
10:00 AM – 12:00 PM
8787 W. Alameda Ave, Lakewood 80226
Beckman Center – See Map
Enter campus off Garrison, go east on Cedar

Lone Tree – Panera Bread Atrium
10:00 AM – 12:00 PM
9233 Park Meadows Dr, Lone Tree 80124

Windsor – Coffee House 29
11:00 AM – 2:00 PM
1039 Main St #K, Windsor 80550
Behind McDonald’s

CO Springs So Central – Pikes Peak Citizens for Life
9:00 AM – 1:00 PM
707 N Nevada Ave #R, Colorado Springs 80903

CO Springs North – Colorado Christian University Satellite
10:00 AM – 12:00 PM
1125 Kelly Johnson Blvd. Suite 105 Co Springs 80921

Castle Rock – Calvary Chapel
10:00 AM – 12:00 PM
1100 Caprice Dr, Castle Rock 80109
In the Lobby

Grand Junction – The Pregnancy Center
10:00 AM – 12:00 PM
930 Main Street, Grand Junction 81501
970-241-7474

Saturday, 2/15 Signing Only Events**

Colorado Springs – David C Cook Foundation
10:00 AM – 3:00 PM
4050 Lee Vance Dr. Colorado Springs 80918 Upper/east parking lot
720-899-0897

Greeley – Centerplace Shopping Center
1:30 – 3:30 PM
2700 47th Ave, Greeley 80634
Enter off 47th Ave – Look for the sign east of the bank in the parking lot

** No notary at these locations

Sunday, 2/16 Signing Event**

Glenwood Springs – New Creation Church
8:30, 10:30 AM and 6:00 PM Services
44761 US-6, Glenwood Springs, CO 81601
217-891-6116

Ongoing Opportunities to Sign

Aurora – Iglesia Rey de Reyes Church
Mon, Tues, Thurs, Fri 6:00 – 8:00 PM
Saturdays 10:00 AM – 5:00 PM
380 S Potomac Street #110 Aurora, 80012
720-899-0897

Boulder – Boulder County GOP Office
Weekdays (M-F) 10:00 AM – 5:00 PM
619 Ken Pratt Blvd, Longmont 80501

Greeley – Farmers Insurance
Weekdays (M-F) 8:00 AM – 5:00 PM, Saturdays 9:00 AM – noon
2990 W 29th St. #1, Greeley 80631

Loveland – Loveland Glass
Weekdays (M-F) 8:00 AM – 5:00 PM
630 W 1st Street, Loveland 80537

Windsor – Guardian Self Storage
Mondays and Thursdays 8:00 AM – 5:00 PM Through February 15th
760 E. Garden Dr., Windsor 80550

Colorado Springs – Eddington Eye Care
Weekdays (M-F) 9:00 AM – 5:00 PM (Exception, Thursdays, open 10-6)
6130 Barnes Rd. Suite 128, Colorado Springs 80922

Castle Rock – Calvary Chapel
Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays 8:00 AM – 4:00 PM
Wednesdays 8:00 AM – 3:00 PM
1100 Caprice Dr. Castle Rock 80109 (Reception Desk)

Ft. Collins – Larimer County GOP Office
Weekdays (M-F) 10:00 AM – 2:00 PM
4020 S College Ave #11, Fort Collins 80525

Woodland Park – Charis Bible College
Weekdays (M-F) 8:00 AM – 4:00 PM
800 Gospel Truth Way, Woodland Park 80863

Estes Park – Ponderosa Realty
Weekdays (M-F) 8:00 AM – 5:00 PM
1751 N Lake Ave. Suite 104, Estes Park 80517

Pueblo – A Caring Pregnancy Center
Weekdays (M-Th) 9:00 AM – 4:00 PM
500 Colorado Ave, Pueblo 81004

Montrose – Life Choices Family Resource Center
Tuesdays & Thursdays 10:00 AM – 4:00 PM, Wednesdays 10:00 AM – 7 PM
155 Merchant Drive, Montrose 81403
970-249-4302

Pueblo West – Majestic Baptist Church
Sundays 9:30 – 11:30 AM
494 E Hemlock Dr, Pueblo West 81007

Julesburg – Benson Ag Land Realty
Weekdays (M-F) 9:00 AM – 12:00 PM, 1:00 PM – 4:00 PM
200 W 4th Street, Julesburg 80737

Denver – La Prensa de Colorado Newspaper
Monday – Thursday from 12:00 PM to 6:30 PM or by appointment
7290 Samuel Drive, #105 Denver 80221
303-287-4105