Marriage need a pick-me-up? Go to these retreats.

Aaron Lambert

Marriage is a beautiful vocation full of some the greatest joys in life, but let’s face it: it’s easy to get caught up in the monotony of life and let your marriage fall by the wayside sometimes.

The Office of Evangelization and Family Life ministries wants to help married couples take some quality time to enrich their marriages and allow spouses to reconnect with each other. Carrie Keating, NFP and marriage specialist for the Archdiocese of Denver, has organized a series of marriage enrichment retreats dubbed “Love Your Marriage” to do just that.

“There is a real need for marriage enrichment,” Keating told the Denver Catholic. “Couples oftentimes don’t take the time to nurture and strengthen their own relationship until it’s stressed or at a point of crisis. We wanted to give couples an easy way to take time out to enrich and strengthen their relationship so they can better weather the storms of life.”

While organizing the retreats, Keating approached St. Raphael’s Counseling, Sacred Heart Counseling and Marriage Missionaries, run by Matt and Mindy Dalton, to see if they’d like to be partner with the EFLM office and provide content for the retreats. They all jumped at the opportunity.

“Early on in our own journey with marriage, Mindy and I didn’t always follow God’s plan. However, scraping our own ideas to follow God’s way of life and love along with experience God’s great mercy and grace has had a tremendous effect on our married love and family,” Matt Dalton told the Denver Catholic. “Marriage and family life are not always ‘fun,’ but when we strive to live marriage according to God’s plan for life and love, we experience great joy. This is why Marriage Missionaries is so enthusiastic about being a part of the ‘Love Your Marriage’ retreats.”

The retreats will be held at several different parishes around the archdiocese over the next few months, the first of which is Oct. 14 at St Helena Parish in Fort Morgan. If you don’t want to wait that long, St. Joseph Parish in Fort Collins is also hosting a marriage enrichment retreat Sept. 30, separate from the “Love Your Marriage” retreats.

The “Love Your Marriage” retreats are good additions to the Catholic marriage enrichment programs that are already active in Denver and the surrounding areas. These include the Marriage Encounter weekend and Retrouvaille, which is designed more for marriages in crisis.

To learn more about the “Love Your Marriage” retreats and see some of the other marriage retreats offered in the archdiocese, visit archden.org/loveyourmarriage.

COMING UP: Here’s what 65 years of marriage looks like

Sign up for a digital subscription to Denver Catholic!

While divorces are still very common and the average age of young people marrying is older every year (for men, it’s almost 30; for women it’s about 27), true love still exists.

But it doesn’t look the way the world imagines it to be: Heart-pounding, butterfly-stomach, head-over-heels, warm, fuzzy feelings. It’s much deeper.

For Bill and Fran Chism, 89 and 91, who celebrate 65 years of marriage this year, it looks more like faithfulness — especially in the difficulties of life.

Four years ago, Fran broke her hip and her health quickly declined. Soon, she was diagnosed with dementia.

“We thought we were going to lose her a couple times in the hospital,” Bill said. “She had an upper chest infection…her memory was slipping away, and then she got shingles last September, and that just wiped out her memory.”

Bill put her in a memory care facility so she could have help being cared for; but even then, he was still with her most of the day, getting her up for breakfast and putting her to bed at night.

Just a month ago, Bill took Fran home to care for her on his own — even getting a knee replacement a year ago at the age of 88 so that he would be able to take care of his wife.

“[He] thought he wouldn’t be able to take care of her the way he’d need to with the pain and the problems with the knee,” said Dede Chism, Bill’s daughter-in-law.

So, despite the doctor pushing back due to his age, Bill convinced him to do the knee replacement. It wasn’t long before he was taking walks around the park again and caring for Fran.

Now, though her memory suffers, Fran is able to do most things on her own, and Bill cares for her every day in their quiet home.

 

Early days

Bill and Fran met in Downtown Denver at a dance, and initially, Fran wouldn’t marry him because he wasn’t Catholic. After talking to a priest about the issue, he decided to become Catholic after his term with the navy was over. World War II was just ending; he would later serve in the Korean war as well.

After that, Fran agreed, and they married in 1952 at the Cathedral Basilica of the Immaculate Conception. They drove from Colorado to San Francisco, Calif., where Bill would ship out only 10 months after marrying Fran.

They were also expecting their first son.

“I was shipping out and she was due, that was tough,” Bill said. “I told the doctor…I hope she can have the baby before I leave…sometimes if you give them castor oil, it’ll induce. She didn’t need it. We just got back and she started having pains. Took her [to the hospital] and was told, ‘Oh you better go back home, she’ll be here all night.’

“I no sooner left than she went into labor and she had a hard time with our first son, he was nine pounds, and she’s kinda small. So I wasn’t there when he was born, but I got the word after he was born that it’s all over now; they told me it wouldn’t happen till morning,” Bill said.

Bill and Fran Chism celebrate 65 years of marriage together this year. Married in 1952, they have three sons, five grandchildren and 11 great-grandchildren.

The couple went on to have three boys, five grandchildren and now have 11 great-grandchildren. It wasn’t until having a couple kids that Bill was able to join the Catholic Church, in 1960.

“It took a while to get around to it, and I took instructions,” Bill said. “She knew how to pray, I didn’t, I still have a little difficulty with it.”

The couple practiced their faith together in the form of praying every night before bed with one another.

 

‘I do means I do’

So what’s kept their marriage strong through all the “ups and downs” of life: Wars, sicknesses, deaths in the family?

“Commitment,” Bill said. “When we got married, we made a commitment. That’s what’s holding us together. With me, when I make a commitment, I stick with it.

“Oh, we’ve had our ups and downs. Not fights, but misunderstandings or arguments. But it wouldn’t be life if you didn’t,” he added.

According to Bill’s son, Ken Chism, the couple believes they’re just ordinary, simple people, and they are. But the simple example of true love in a marriage that’s weathered many joys and struggles in the family is an example that’s sorely needed today, Ken said.

“He said I don’t know why you want to hear from me, we’re just simple people,” Ken said. “The fact of the matter is, the simplest truth is that you don’t have to know all of the theology. What you need to know is God has called you, and with that ‘I do,’ that God’s grace and his love is enough.”

“[Bill] said, ‘When I said I do, I do,’” he continued. “The problem is so many people find ‘I don’ts’ to put in that, instead of always ‘I do.’ You can’t have anything that you’re not willing to do, or your relationship will fail. And that’s both [spouses]. Both have to have that attitude. So for me to watch what’s happened the last five years especially…you don’t know what you’ve got to live with. And he’s lived out the ‘I do’ like no one I’ve ever seen. And it’s very, very special to be able to watch that.”

You can’t have anything that you’re not willing to do, or your relationship will fail. And that’s both [spouses]. Both have to have that attitude.

Dede said that though Bill and Fran have weathered every decade where marriage looked so different, God has remained the foundation, which never changes.

“A marriage grounded in faith and Christ is a marriage that will succeed, regardless of what comes your way, because God succeeds,” she said. “And I would say that that one thing is the center of our marriage. Wars, sicknesses…you can survive anything because with God, all things are possible.”

 

Couples celebrating 25, 50 or 50+ years of marriage this year are invited to the annual Anniversary Mass at Immaculate Heart of Mary Parish in Northglenn. Bishop Jorge Rodriguez will be the celebrant, and cake and coffee reception will follow. For more information, contact Jennifer Sharn at 303-715-3252 or jennifer.sharn@archden.org.