Four little words to make your marriage last

Matt and Mindy Dalton

Seven years ago, I was having the worst thoughts about the one I was supposed to love the most, Matt. We were headed for a weekend away to watch our older girls’ volleyball matches. A discussion took place on what time we needed to head to the airport. I was up, showered, packed and ready to go.

Matt was so looking forward to a weekend away, he was already in “relaxation mode” just taking his time (whistling, in fact), not aware he was running a bit behind with packing and being ready to go.

We headed out, 20 minutes later than planned, and as we drove to the airport, I started feeling anxious; having an interior battle inside.

Matt started to have somewhat of a sense that I wasn’t thrilled with him when he notified me that the car needed gas—which meant an even later arrival. I surrendered my pride and said: “Matt, I need to ask for forgiveness.”

“For what?” he asked. “For the negative thoughts that have been exploding in my head all morning long. Will you forgive me?”

“Yes, I forgive you.”

Then he proceeded to ask forgiveness for his selfishness.

If I hadn’t asked for forgiveness, our entire weekend might have been spent arguing and growing distant from one another. The foundation of our marriage coaching process is built on forgiveness—stating what we are sorry for and saying the words, “Will you forgive me?”

As one another’s authentic helpmate, we are saying, “Will you help me when I am weak? Will you help me be a better husband/father or wife/mother?”

Unfortunately, with a lot of the couples we meet, their hearts are so hardened, they come in pointing the finger at their spouse, never taking a look at themselves and how they have contributed to the disagreements. Some couples carry around resentment and hurt and pain for years.

The important piece is to take an interior look and ask ourselves: “How did I contribute to that argument? Could I have spoken in a more charitable manner? Was I stuffing my feelings, not sharing my heart?” (“Why do you notice the splinter in your brother’s eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own eye?” Mt 7:3)

God, give me the grace to ask for forgiveness so that I can grant my spouse forgiveness.

Pope Francis says it well, “The perfect family doesn’t exist, nor is there a perfect husband or a perfect wife, and let’s not talk about the perfect mother-in-law! It’s just us sinners. If we learn to say we’re sorry and ask forgiveness, the marriage will last.”

You want your marriage to last? Go seek forgiveness from your spouse and grant them forgiveness as well.

COMING UP: Sensitive locations, not ‘sanctuary’

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DENVER, CO - DECEMBER 11: Msgr. Bernie Schmitz preaches the homily during the announcement of Our Lady of Guadalupe Parish as a diocesan shrine on December 11, 2016, in Denver, Colorado. (Photo by Anya Semenoff/Denver Catholic)

With the election of President Donald Trump, many immigrants are uncertain of their future in America. The situation has ignited a national conversation about immigrants and their legal status.

The term “sanctuary” has been making waves in the headlines recently after Denver immigrant Jeanette Vizguerra sought assistance at a local Unitarian church for fear of being deported. The term itself has largely been adopted by the media to describe cities where immigrants cannot be questioned about their immigration status and locations where immigrants can seek refuge and be safe from arrest.

While the so-called “Muslim ban” has been garnering a lot of media attention, there’s another piece of the conversation that’s equally as pertinent; that of the immigrants who are already living in the U.S.; those who have fled their home country in search of something better, established their lives here — and many of which are of Latino descent.

The fear among many Latinos is still prevalent, as many wonder what will become of their residence here in the U.S. under a Trump presidency.

“For those here today illegally who are seeking legal status, they will have one route and only one route: to return home and apply for re-entry,” President Trump said in an Aug. 31 speech in Phoenix, Ariz.

The law doesn’t give definition to “sanctuary” but instead describes places where immigrants are safe from any sort of enforcement action by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) as “sensitive locations.” A 2011 memorandum distributed by ICE outlines that sensitive locations include, but are not limited to: schools, hospitals, churches, synagogues, mosques or other institutions of worship, the site of a funeral, wedding or other public religious ceremony and public demonstrations, such as a rally or march.

The memo states that enforcement actions are prohibited from taking place in any of these locations without prior approval by an ICE supervisor. In this event, supervisors are to “take extra care when assessing whether a planned enforcement action could reasonably be viewed as causing significant disruption to the normal operations of the sensitive location.”

The policy does, however, call for exigent circumstances in which enforcement actions can be carried out without prior approval. These include: matters of national security or terrorism, an imminent risk of death, violence or physical harm to any person or property, the immediate arrest of individual(s) that present an imminent danger to public safety, or an imminent risk of destruction of evidence material to an ongoing criminal case.

Should any of these situations arise, the memo instructs ICE agents to “conduct themselves as discretely as possible, consistency with office and public safety, and make every effort to lift the time at or focused on the sensitive location.”